Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
