i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
