I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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