Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
