the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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