Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
