You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
