JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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