I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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