i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony