help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
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eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
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New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus