i need an iv and a liver transplant
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day