THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.