Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
