Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
