I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
