i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
