i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You've changed since you got that strap on
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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