Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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