Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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