I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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