Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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