Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
