ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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