Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
