the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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