it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
