Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
