Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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