a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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