idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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