respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
