It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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