now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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