My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
