Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
