How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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