sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
