i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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