Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
its liver damage thursday
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
