Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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