So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
