I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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