i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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