everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
