seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
