He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
