you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
