So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize