Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
