I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
