I wannas sexs uuuuu
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
