My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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