If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
