If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bring me that man meat
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
