I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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