he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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