god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
