Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
