Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
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Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
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Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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