my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I woke up under a house in Key West
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