4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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