I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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