A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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