No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
