im having a threesome with these popsicles
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
