I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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