I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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