I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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