Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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