what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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